if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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