the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I touched a dick in church today
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
PANTIES FOUND
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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