Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
