Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
