You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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