THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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