ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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