how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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