Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
