We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
