this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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