He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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