that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
