There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
