TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
