I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
