I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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