I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
