Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
