Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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