Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
