I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
