Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
