if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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