it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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