She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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