I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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