Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
