You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
