How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want nice things and good sex
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
