remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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