I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
