Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
