And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
