am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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