Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
