oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
