I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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