I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
