Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In America we eat man semen.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
