Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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