I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
