I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
