went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
