I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I still have a little drunk in my system
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
