I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
