Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's always time for handjobs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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