is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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