Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
