His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
