don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
