i permit you to call me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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