Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize