I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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