I should be sponsored by Trojan
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
