It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
