wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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