What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
