Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Umm I'm too high to move.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize