I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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