There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
