i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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