Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
