at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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