I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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