Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
40s are totally the cure
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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