After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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