Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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