So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
