id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In other news, I just burned my penis
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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