let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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