So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
