i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
