last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
