that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
