I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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