This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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