Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
