Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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