remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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