all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
