I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
