I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
