...so i touched it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
