I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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