everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Everyone says I win the strip club
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
