i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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