Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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