party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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