clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
