I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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