East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
