their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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