stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
