i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
