I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
