I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
