Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
