VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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