Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
