This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
