How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
