i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
