I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't turn off my feet"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
