life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize